Research background: Creative practice research is a staple of many university research cultures, and is a core endeavour of many creative arts academics. We know a lot about its potential as a site of knowledge production and dissemination, and about the fabric of such work (i.e., where the research resides; the synthesis of theory and practice). We know less, however, about the form or genre of creative practice research, particularly regarding the role that fiction can play in such an endeavour. This screenplay thus asks: How can a fictional account of the struggle to define and defend creative practice research allow us to experience these very things, all the while commenting upon the place of fiction (as research) in the academy? Research contribution: A Vacuous Screenplay in Search of Rigour draws from existing research frameworks, and the author's own experience of writing and theorising research-led screenplays, to portray, in a comedic way, the possibilities and pitfalls of using fiction storytelling to disseminate research findings in imaginative ways. Character, plot, theme and dialogue raise methodological questions about creative practice research and, through in-action fictional modelling, propose solutions. Endnotes to scene text and dialogue trace the roots of these academic discussions. Research significance: The first published academic screenplay to depict the institutional research cultures within which its very mode of research sits, this work provides an innovative addition to the large body of work on creative practice methodologies. It is a companion to a published paper that explored the special role played by fiction in the academy (Batty 2016), in which some of the same academic debates (and references) were played out more traditionally. This screenplay thus does the work of that paper in a form relevant to its very focus - fiction. It is published in TEXT as a leading academic journal in the field of creative writing.