The state of affairs: a narrative inquiry into managing infidelity counselling

This study is about the process of managing infidelity counselling. It is informed and guided by narrative inquiry¿a qualitative interdisciplinary theoretical and methodological enterprise that has moved beyond its origins in management science to include a diverse range of fields in the human sciences. Narrative inquiry is well-suited to an understanding of the management of human experience in the context of infidelity counselling because narrative is "the primary form by which human experience is made meaningful" (Polkinghorne, 1988, p. 1). Contemporary research shows that infidelity is a common phenomenon with serious consequences for relationships and as such is the reason why most people seek counselling. While infidelity counselling is beneficial for some clients, many therapists feel inadequately prepared to treat the devastating effects that infidelity can have on individuals, couples, families and societies. A reason for this is that dealing with these effects is emotionally laden work. In an effort to solve this problem, some researchers have examined infidelity counselling from the perspective of the therapist. Others have called for the study of the clients' own accounts and interpretations of infidelity counselling. However, to the best of my knowledge, no research to date has examined the stories or narratives of people experiencing infidelity counselling in a way that keeps the stories of both therapists and clients intact. This means that what helps (and what does not help) in this therapeutic service encounter remains poorly understood. The aim of my research is to address this gap in knowledge using narrative inquiry to gain a greater understanding of how therapists and clients manage infidelity counselling and what they have found to be therapeutically effective. In contrast to conventional studies of infidelity counselling, this study is interested in a method of inquiry of personal stories or narratives as a way of understanding the management of human experience. It extends previous studies of infidelity counselling in two ways. First, it considers the notion of 'emotional labour' in which people interpret, manage and (re)construct their own emotions as a form of narrative in managing infidelity counselling. Second, it contributes to the narrative inquiry literature that dismisses notions of a single truth of experience in favour of the view that in the telling of narratives or stories, people reveal the truths of their lived experience. In doing so, it begins with an understanding of the self as a form of narrative in managing infidelity counselling, in which narrative structure is used to organise events into various kinds of stories to form the basis of personal identity and self-understanding. Narrative research in this context is "descriptive," as it aims "to render the narrative accounts already in place which are already used by individuals or groups as their means of ordering and making temporal events meaningful" (Polkinghorne, 1988, p. 161). The current study joins other studies with an interest in taking this unique qualitative approach to the study of stories, narratives or descriptions of series of events that account for experience and life. It extends previous examinations of shared lived experience by examining stories told by therapists and clients in order to learn more about managing infidelity counselling in Australia. The empirical data consist of audio recordings of 18 in-depth interviews in which 10 therapists and 8 clients share their stories of the experience of infidelity counselling. I learnt much from transcribing these recordings myself, including something of how I reflexively managed my own emotional response to what was being shared with me during the interviews. Numerous examples of the shared stories accompany the analyses, providing a means by which to check the validity of my claims. I introduce each of the participating therapists and clients in Chapter 6: Participant portraits. This allows the reader to gain a sense of the interviews, the participants and the relationships that developed between myself and each participant throughout the research process. It also provides a glimpse into the ways in which I was able to draw on my many years of experience as a professional therapist to build rapport and understand the complexity of emotions involved in the eliciting and sharing of such sensitive stories. My thesis has two analytical chapters. In analysing the data, I examine the narratives within each life story and the plotlines that thread their way through the narratives across the stories. The analyses reveal two main narratives that therapists and clients use to talk about and give meaning to their experience of the process of managing infidelity counselling. The first narrative, which I call the transformative narrative, describes the way in which therapists and clients account for how a client moves from being a victim of circumstance to an agent of change through the transformative narrative of managing infidelity counselling. The second narrative, which I call the secretive narrative, describes how secrets are concealed and revealed in therapeutic practice, with a focus on confidentiality and its limitations on what therapists and clients hide, or what is hidden from them, while wavering between concealment and revelation in the process of managing infidelity counselling. These narratives make known that managing this process involves feats of emotional labour. A concluding discussion of the main findings of my study shows that therapists and clients with experience in managing infidelity counselling consider it to be effective therapy for those who have been betrayed or have strayed or triangulated the relationship. The discussion highlights the significance and contributions of these findings for theory, research, practice and policy. Finally, the study concludes with some recommendations for future research to build on this work, which establishes that the voice of the therapist and the voice of the client are fundamental for an understanding of the professional practice of managing infidelity counselling in the real world.